I would never think of watching the MTV Europe awards. The "EMA’s," as they are called reak of too many odd sounding French pop bands and Ibiza’d fashion victims for my tastes. But this year I plan to watch because it is hosted by Borat Sagdiyev. You better know who he is!


The character of Borat, a Kazakhstani journalist is one of several created by British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen on HBO’s Da Ali G Show. You may agree with me that Borat is as intriquing, if not more, than Ali G himself.

Borat’s best lines on Europe Music Aword in Lisabon the other night:

Introduction to the show
"Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest."

Following Madonna’s performance
"That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away."
Introducing Coldplay
"Next is one of the most famous bands in the world. We all love very much. Please enjoy… Green Day!"
Introducing The Pussy Cat Dolls
"Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls."
After introducing Akon
(Borat whispers to little Kazkhstani child), "quick Akon’s on stage, dressing room 8. See what you can take."
Introduction to Gorillaz
"There is one singer called Shakira… sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, ‘Can I touch your shakira?’ or ‘I have seen your wife’s shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog."
Introducing Green Day
(Borat is dressed in a very revealing wrestling lycra costume), "Hello it is me, Freddy Mercury. I joking, he die of AIDS. It me Borat, I not a la la loo lee. The only sex disease I ever have is gonoreah. 15 times! The ladies like Borat! Now please welcome Coldplay."
Chatting to co-presenter Brittany Murphy
"Very nice. Whah whah we whah! I imagine you with no clothes. Borat is getting fat."
At the press conference
"My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens." "If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira."

"I look forward to meeting Jennifer Rush, Level 42 and Terence Trent D’Arbay," "Oh and the Thompson Twins."
In interview with the BBC
"My retard brother Vilo is not able to come as he is retarded and his cage would not fit on the plane."

"Unfortunately my wife was unable to leave Kazakhstan as she is a woman… this is a good news, she is a boring. High Five!!!"

"We celebrate with a men’s only party in my hotel room where we will play ping pong, wrestle totally nude and shoot dogs from the balcony."